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Ask MetaFilter It is like a totally different dynamic from once I had been recognized as feminine.

Ask MetaFilter It is like a totally different dynamic from once I had been recognized as feminine.

How do we grab dudes in public areas? Or in a homosexual club? I might need certainly to reveal as I spoke) that I am trans fairly quickly (they would figure it out anyway as soon.

I am really super stressed about approaching somebody first unless it is a predicament just like a written guide reading or whatever. We have gotten zero interest on OKCupid ( perhaps a question that is future. ) and while We haven’t tried it, Grindr is maybe a touch too superficial (plus i could just do completely clothed photos).

Guys–including trans guys–use grindr for sets from hookups to times. A fast scroll through at this time revealed me personally a lot of people whom explicitly state “no hookups” within their pages, and a couple of especially shopping for a relationship. And I also’d state a lot of the photos we see at this time are completely clothed, generally there’s no issue here.

Picking right up in public areas (i suppose you are meaning “hey let’s get get yourself a coffee, ” maybe perhaps perhaps not cruising) is one thing we’m terrible at. I did so ask a barista out as soon as, and had a lovely date. The entire thing was made easier by the cafe being into the town, and then he had been putting on a rainbow pin. So. Search for really clues that are obvious? Most readily useful advice I am able to provide here.

In a gaybar, actually easy: “Hi, may I purchase you a glass or two? ” or “Hey you are putting on $musical organization’s tshirt, We saw them a year ago!

Exactly just What do you think about their album that is last? Or you’re bold and certainly will pull it well, “wow, you are attractive. ” Dance could be a way that is great grab.
Posted by feckless fear that is fecal at 1:06 PM on July 2, 2015

Every person i understand in this precise scenario that is same made connections through the queer community, queer occasions, FB/Tumblr communities, Grindr, and okay Cupid.

I would be super super careful on Craigslist as long as you’re getting more comfortable with yourself and these circumstances, as a number of my friends have experienced really terrible and experiences that are traumatic individuals through it. Other people have experienced all the best and love the privacy from it, but we suspect their online creep-meters are better calibrated than yours have reached as soon as. If Craigslist is of great interest, certainly hold back until you have sorted down your very own vocals and instincts better in safer surroundings.

Have you got a cool queer community around you?
Posted by barnone at 1:12 PM on July 2, 2015

(i suppose you are meaning “hey let’s get get yourself a coffee, ” perhaps perhaps not cruising)

Well, I’m perhaps maybe not certain of the other man’s motivations. I suppose which is element of my concern, exactly just how would I’m sure? I am maybe maybe not saying We do not would you like to cruise, We’d simply rather the man notice me personally first in the place of simply a photo of me personally (eg Grindr) if that produces any feeling. It really is means less awkward.

Are you experiencing a cool queer community around you?

I actually do but i have had some negative experiences in queer areas and so I’m careful.
Published by AFABulous at 1:26 PM on 2, 2015 july

You sort of gloss over OkCupid, but i do believe when you can make it happen for you personally it may be a truly good avenue. There is this kind of broad selection of individuals on the website searching for a wide variety of things. Possibly if you put up a couple of times, even though they do not get anywhere, it could provide you with more self-confidence conference brand new guys and disclosing about being trans? Within my area at the very least there is apparently lots of trans individuals who disclose on the profile being a normal thing.

What kind of “zero interest” are we speaking? No-one messaging you? Because if you should be looking forward to visitors to contact you first you are never ever planning to get from the ground. I have very little communications on OKC and definitely none from individuals i am enthusiastic about, and yet i have had a good few effective times and made some genuine buddies on the website, because i am proactive about delivering away communications to those who interest me. I bet you have scope to fine tune your messages, profile and pictures, and/or refine the kind of people you’re contacting, in order to get more success if you are putting a lot out there and messaging people and not getting responses.
Published by mymbleth at 1:39 PM on 2, 2015 july

Well, cruising–as in starting up with strangers in public places for sex–is kind of the thing that is difficult parse in certain cases. There are lots of guides to etiquette that is cruising. I am unsure how exactly to state this without finding poorly, and so I wish my meaning comes through: had been We trans, i might have issues about safety w/r/t disclosure and cruising.

It appears as though everything you’re asking is “how do I have guys to notice/approach me personally, ” that we feel is simply non-gendered as being a relevant concern:

The way that is same does. Dress well or interestingly, exercise open body gestures, that type of thing. Smell nice, do your own hair.

There clearly was sort of a thing amongst homosexual men–not constantly, it isn’t a tough and quick guideline, similar to a not-uncommon tendency–for those that identify as tops dating guardian soulmates to generally do the following and bottoms become pursued. Personally I think embarrassing stating that because for each right time i can think about it being true We have a counterexample. It may be a rule that is reasonable of, however.

May also be worth taking into consideration, perhaps, what types of dudes you’re especially into and tailoring (ahem) your clothing/presentation/attitude/behaviour around that. E.g. If you are in to the whole daddy thing, you may your batting average by presenting much more kinda deal that is stereotypically boyish/boy-next-door. If you are more into jocks, possibly join a gymnasium (modulo convenience along with your human body, i really hope the recommendation doesn’t encounter as insensitive) with a top clientele that is gay. If you should be to the hipster fluid-orientation-and-gender kinds, placed on your bowtie along with your thin jeans. The gay male community is much more fragmented these days than it used to be, and people tend to mate within their own groupings while there is obviously cross-pollination. (Again, yes, plenty of counterexamples. )
published by feckless fear that is fecal at 2:58 PM on July 2, 2015 4 favorites

So just how do I grab dudes in public areas? Or in a bar that is gay?

I am not qualified to state exactly how being trans affects things and this is more general advice for guys wanting to get other males — but the one thing you could do is simply to introduce your self once you type of “confirm” the gazes you will get. There is a exemplary remark right here by grrarrgh00 in regards to the basic mechanics.

Genuinely it seems at you; the hard part is probably going to be overcoming your anxiety, but if you practice the “name and handshake” thing over and over again so you have something to lead with, I’m sure you can get through that like you already have the most difficult part down, which is detecting when people are throwing potentially-interested vibes.
Posted by en forme de poire at 7:15 PM on July 2, 2015 1 favorite