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The studies and tribulations of dating while Sikh

The studies and tribulations of dating while Sikh

A young Singh in britain has been doing the limelight the previous few days after his appearance on a dating tv show called “Take me personally Out.” I simply heard you can listen to in its entirety here. Nihal speaks with Param, the dating show contestant, and takes comments from listeners, who discuss Param’s appearance on the show and more generally whether turban-wearing Sikh men are discriminated against when it comes to dating and marriage about it a show on BBC Radio 1 hosted by Nihal, which. As you’ll see into the clip below, as quickly as Param is released, 20 associated with 30 females turn their lights down, showing no interest because she could use Param’s turban to store her phone in him. One woman who left her light on said she is interested in him.

I will suggest checking out Nihal’s conversation from the BBC specially starting at around 44:00 into the show if you don’t have enough time to hear the entire thing. One caller called Jasminder asserts that whenever Param arrived down, it became similar to a comedy show and less such as a show that is dating exactly just how the ladies and audience reacted. He continues that turban-wearing guys often feel hidden to ladies, perhaps maybe maybe not literally, but “when it comes down to really heading out with somebody.”

Something relating to this discussion struck house for me personally. Right straight Back last year, we talked about a number of my challenges whenever it stumbled on dating and insecurity during my post about dharis:

I happened to be inundated because of the sounds of young ladies in my college casually talking about hair that is facial gross or ugly (without any intention to harm my emotions I’m yes) and their choice for dudes who have been “clean-shaven.”

CLEAN-shaven. The implication being that hair on your face is…dirty?

They are the communications we have from our peers and through the news every single day. Therefore obviously I assumed it had been extremely unlikely that any one of my classmates that are female ever be thinking about dating some body just like me. The mixture of the dirty face plus a patka was sufficient to cause a lot of anxiety and insecurity because of this angsty teenage Singh.

The conversation from the BBC system resonated with several ideas and concerns that often swirl around in my own mind in terms of the main topic of dating for me personally, and maybe other turban-wearing Sikh males:

Whenever insecurities creep up in my own present intimate life, simply how much can it be an item of this insecurity we felt being a young patka-wearing youngster who was simply bullied in school? experiencing like an outcast for some of one’s life most definitely requires a cost, just because the methods it manifests are far more delicate inside our adulthood. I’m no psychologist, but oppression that is internalized extremely genuine, so that as a residential district we probably need to take more concrete actions to deal with it, to emancipate ourselves from psychological slavery, as Bob Marley place it.

Is “success” in dating because of our kesh, dharis, and dastars for us directly linked to our level of self-confidence and self-love, or will there always be real barriers/biases/obstacles for us? Let’s be genuine. Turbans and beards don’t exactly epitomize the required male within the western as well as in Southern Asia for example. Of course, numerous would not think about dating me/us as an end result. I’ve found that numerous individuals, even South Asians and folks from Sikh backgrounds, make a variety of presumptions just because they see my khuli dhari and my turban, particularly when they even learn We don’t beverage. I have to be an individual who is very “religious” (a term that holds plenty of luggage), an individual who is extremely “serious,” probably not “fun,” and definitely not appealing when you look at the sense that is romantic. Needless to say i would want to date n’t anyone who can be so fast to evaluate this way either, but the truth is however discouraging. We suspect it runs in so much more ways that are subtle.

Can it be a trend that is growing ladies from Sikh backgrounds not to desire to date guys whom keep their kesh?Г‚ this dilemma arrived through to the BBC program too, and I’m not actually yes exactly what the truth of this situation is. I’ve definitely seen Sikh ladies who see turban-wearing Singhs as similar to brothers much less like anyone to date, it is this actually becoming the norm? Desire is a complicated thing, a thing that is profoundly shaped because of the culture we are now living in. It is clear that individuals in the united states as well as the UK are nearly socialized to get Sikh guys appealing, so I’m sure that is important in who Sikh women within the diaspora find attractive. But as paghs and dharis that is untrimmed/unshaved less stylish in Punjab (and Asia as a whole), possibly our very own community can also be socializing heterosexual females far from being drawn to keshdhari Sikh males. Needless to say it goes one other much too, with keshdhari and even amritdhari Sikh males having no fascination with Sikh ladies who don’t shave or otherwise eliminate their human anatomy locks. (a buddy is doing some fascinating research on the topic, that we hope she’ll share on TLH a while). Strangely sufficient, i have to confess that up to now, We have never ever held it’s place in a partnership by having a Sikh girl, rather than because of any aware choice of my personal. It’s hard to state precisely what this will be about and simply how much of it pertains to this trend, however it is well well worth noting.

Written down this, i will be mostly interested in checking a discussion. Just just just What have your experiences and findings been? In certain Sikh areas, conversations about dating after all (and dating it self) are taboo, which just exacerbates these types of dilemmas. For Sikh visitors of most genders and intimate orientations, perhaps you have noticed variations in your experiences dating Sikhs and non-Sikhs, desis and non-desis? exactly just What obstacles perhaps you have faced or just exactly what recommendations have you got?

In the long run, from a partner based on my turban and/or beard while I am sure my Sikh identity has limited the dating pool for me (not to mention fueled my insecurities, especially at a younger age), I can say with confidence that I have never sensed any lack of attraction to me. This is certainly to express, needless to say, that lots of individuals indeed do even find dharis khuli dharis — and paghs appealing.